The Best Prime Minister of India

September 08, 2010
Being Cynical

Who is the best prime minister that India has ever had? A tricky question, to say the least. Given a chance every party would boast about one of their party members to be the best PM, provided they ever had a chance to form the government, either by own or with coalition. Idiots like CPI(M) members would term Jyoti Basu the best, even though he never was a prime minister. Nevertheless the last thing expected from our politicians is some rationality, more so when they are from CPI(M).

Leaving aside their rationality or the lack of it, we can go ahead with the query and try to figure out for ourselves.

Until Indira Gandhi (mother of all the mess that we are currently in) became the prime minister, we had three stalwarts and astounding leaders as our PM. The other two except Lal bahadur Shastri were great prime ministers as Shastriji failed miserably. Why? Because he didn't harm the nation with his policies or for his own bank account or for his greed. So he is automatically out of the list. He can't be the best. So that leaves Jawaharlal Nehru and Gulzarilal Nanda as potential members in our shortlist of candidates from the pre-Indira era. The post-Indira era has many jewels who on any day could easily fit into our shortlist of best PMs.

The biggest casualty of the emergency was Moraji Desai. I am not sure for how many days the poor chap was our PM or was he there for enough time to induce harm to the nation. So on benefit of doubt and only because he used to enjoy a glass of his own piss every morning, we can't fit him to our shortlist. So Moraji Desai would best be left to snore in his grave. Let's not talk about Aye-ram & Gaye-ram like Charan Singh. He was a crook from the day he got out of the womb and remained pretty much that till he went to the grave.

The next big thing happened to India after Indira was this pilot brat - Rajiv Gandhi. I am not sure what good he did for the nation, but one finds almost everything in India these days is named after him. Only my Chaddi & Banian are surviving with their own identity, it seems. The standout artifacts from whatever I remember of this guy has to be - 'when a big tree falls, the earth is bound to shake' nonsense and his famous one-liner - "Desh ke kone kone main anaz bhara hua hai". I also remember he reportedly managed to gulp down a whole lot of money in the Bofors deal and an equal amount in the Fairfax affair. The poor chap was only accumulating money for his son's foreign study. So can't be blamed entirely. Starting from sending our IPKF guys to Srilanka or getting his head smashed with the back of the gun by an irate soldier while taking the guard of honour there. This guy was for sure the best standup comedian if not anything. Rajiv Gandhi was awarded with the Bharat Ratna but poor Kesto Mukherjee with nothing? Why this partiality when the Bharat Ratna can also be awarded to good comedians? If Rajiv Gandhi then why not Kesto Mukherjee?

When Narasimha Rao got to the stage, the damage had already been done. He definitely looked like a saint imported from the Vatican in comparison with his predecessors. It was a refreshing feeling I must admit. The only mistake he did is to allow his son Prabhakara Rao to loot much more than he himself did. When he took that bag full with one crore from Harsad Mehta, little did he know that he was getting bribed. He thought it to be a small gift to buy sweets for his children instead. Mr.Rao must be a grossly dissatisfied soul for being not able to loot half the nation as other prime ministers had done prior to him. For this lack of ability (to loot in grand scale), I had to strike out this poor fellow from the prospective list.

Just before and post Narasimha Rao it was the rush hour of jokers till A.B.Vajpayee got to the stage (for a full time). Let it be the Mandal joker V.P.Singh or nameless, faceless and fartless I.K.Gujural, all were jokers of highest degree. But I suspect one of these clowns might just go away with this coveted prestige. My worries double up when I see a standout individual among this clownish lot - a certain H.D. Deve Gowda. The dark horse and most eligible for this crown. He had this unique attribute - he very well knew, how much of an idiot he was. And hence he slept most part of his tenure. As a result couldn't possibly got enough time to harm our nation. Many of his close associates who used to sit to his left, right and back confirmed on his farting skills (quite literally) also. It was confirmed that the biggest headache of the organizers whenever Mr.Gowda was invited was to arrange a truck full of room fresheners, because the last thing someone wants during an important meeting is some serious air pollution. So my money is on this chap.

A.B. Vajpayee is certainly not the best as he never wanted anything bad for the nation. What? You didn't screw up the nation still being the prime minister? Shame on you - you are not even good enough to be considered as a prime minister to start with, let alone being the best. Manmohan Singh can't be considered as he hasn't finished yet. We have to wait till he is done with his prime minister ship or makes way for Rahul Baba to start farting (I wish there won't be any shortage of slippers then). Ss such we shouldn't judge someone in the middle of his tenure. As they say - "The best and worst is yet to come".

So this leaves roughly six contenders for this crown

1. Jawaharlal Nehru
2. Indira Gandhi
3. Rajiv Gandhi
4. V.P.Singh
5. H.D. Deve Gowda
6. I.K.Gujral

Wild cards to Narasimha Rao and Jyoti Basu. Jyoti babu is the Rajnikanth of Indian politics. He can be everywhere still being nowhere. So there should be no argument on why he was given the wild card. Everything said and done, I have a feeling - whoever might be in the race but Mr.Gowda might just run away with the award! Better luck to the others.

Fun is the next essential ingredient after Oxygen for this author. This chap is writing humor for quite some time without realizing that no one is reading. An IT coolie by profession he took to writing as he found Mayawati is not doing enough to balance out the daily dose of Humor needed by the human race. He could be found in all suspicious looking cyber spaces - From Orkut to Facebook, From Linkedin to Desibaba. The author can be reached via his Email which he invariably checks every 5 minutes (as he has nothing better to do). So if you are deprived of a big useless mail for sometime then just drop a test mail to this chap. You won't be disappointed. If you want a reply in double quick time then don't forget to add 'HOT PARTY GIRLS' or something like that somewhere in the subject line. Though he titled his blog as 'Being Cynical', regular readers feel, it should have been 'Occasionally Cynical, Mostly Mental'. P.S :- Befriending this human being is at the sole responsibility of the individual. It could bring unimaginable mental agony.
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